13 things I learned this year

1) Trying and wishing are two different things

Is your life set up around the things you want?
If not then you’re not trying, just wishing.

2) You don’t get to tell yourself what you want

You get to listen.
Sure you could ignore it, but what else is there?

3) None of these are goals: independence, strength, confidence, money, time

The best sounding goals are actually a means to an ends.

4) You know what you’re going to do months in advance you just don’t know it yet

Get better at recognizing what’s next. Read more

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New Song: Sign

New song, old moniker.

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Of Ghosts

I met Andy at a bar to talk. I had never met him before, he was just a friend of a friend; later I’d find out he wasn’t even that. He was a squirrely guy, about 32 and nervous, jumpy. The kind of person who makes you uncomfortable because you feel like at any moment they could latch on to your arm and never let go.

We met up because he was new to Philly, looking for a job in video production. At that time I wasn’t in much of a position to help him- I had as tentative a grasp on my own survival as you can have before slipping away and spiraling off the earth, but really he needed someone to
talk to.

As it turned out he had lived here before, years ago. He had gone to California in search of a new life.  Traveling, exploring, learning the world. The lines on his face and his hunched, timid demeanor gave me an idea of the lessons he had learned. Read more

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Signs of Awakeness

I’m half awake. My whole face feels like it’s sagging. I’ve gotten plenty of sleep, more than enough really. So I’m tired because I’m unfocused. Because trying to keep everything inside my head is tiring. Lazy people should stay focused all the time, otherwise they risk over working themselves with worry and doubt. And these things have no real desire to be worked, they are fine without us.

I find myself at the mall. On my laptop plugged into a public outlet. Which is really a wonderful thing when you think about it. Free electricity. It’s like a drinking fountain for my electronic devices. What happened to drinking fountains?

The mall is just waking up. People walk in a daze, the heaters strain themselves to bring the temperature up. Signs of awakeness are here. The man next to me is involved with a short tempered work conversation. “Tell him it the latest technology. Call him. RIGHT now, before anyone else gets a chance.” I can’t tell if this is genuine intensity or if he’s faking it.  A security guard looks down from the balcony. The pace of his gaze just a little too controlled, his body language a little too alert. You can tell there is purpose here.

This is what being awake is all about. A specific focused goal. Without that we’re just a big amorphous blob of ingredients. Like an explosion without a spark. Just chemicals floating around in the air. They go where ever the wind takes them. They separate. The big chance leaves the room.

I’ve been thinking about these themes lately, how great it is to be inspired, focused, passionate. But anyone can excel when they’re passionate. Everyone does. The question is, when inspiration passes, how do you act?

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Conversations with Barry: Conversation 1 – Academia

Conversations with Barry:  Conversation 1

Academia


Me: “Academics piss me off. It’s all vain, elitist, intellectual fetishism with no connection to what’s real or what matters.”

Barry: “I know, Palin is such an amazing woman.”

Me: “Um.. What?”

Barry: “Like everything she says is brilliant.”

Me: “actually I don’t…”

Barry: “Its like I’m listening to the soul of the human race through her lips.”

Me: “…”

Barry: “her sweet sweet lips.”

Me: “…I have to leave – I have the uncontrollable urge to get an espresso and a copy of the new york times.”

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The Myth of Fishing

There is no such thing as fishing.

A fisherman does not catch fish. He has no control of fish – he has nothing to do with them.
He merely casts his line and waits. The fish do the rest.

Living is the same. You have no control of life – it has nothing to do with you.
As such, you can not get better at living.

You can only master the art of casting your line and waiting.

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10 Scenes that End in Suicide • Part 1 – The Dreamer

Finished this up this weekend. I love how this came out. This represents a complete reframing of the creative process for me. Also, I feel kind of nervous to put it out there, which hasn’t happened in a while.

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3 Revelations about Creating Art

  1. The real key to creation is not planning but passion. It really doesn’t matter how carefully planned your idea is. Get it out before the passion evaporates or it dies inside you.
  2. With planning, your art will only communicate what you choose.. but with an uncontrolled work, you communicate something you don’t know. And as a neurotic being, that is the only way to speak the truth.
  3. Creation is a journey into the unknown. You don’t know what’s going to happen.. and then, it happens.
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The Cynic and The Idealist do battle – Both die.

Here’s how people become delusional cynics, or delusional idealists.  We’ve all been one or both of these at some point in our lives.  So here’s how it works.  And at the end -if you’re still with me- a better choice.

Conflict

Problems occur when a split is apparent in our world view.  Our brain encompasses two conflicting ideas.  We have some view of reality, the way things really are, and simultaneously the peculiar feeling that things should be a different way.

cynic1

We are torn, and this confusion can not last for long.  Which leads us to one of three choices:

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Nervous Laugh: Breaking Tension

Moments ago, I was walking down the street and saw a cute girl standing in my path, staring at me, smiling warmly. As I approached I noticed she was holding her hand out to me. I smiled with curiosity. Looking at her hand and she held a leaf between her fingers. I decided to play long. I gave her a look, and she returned the look with the slightest nod. I picked the leaf from between her fingers, looked at her a moment. “Thank you.” I replied, The first words of the interaction. “You’re welcome.” She replied.  We parted ways, and I walked off, but not before giving a nervous laugh to break the tension.

A nervous laugh is a way to escape from social tension. To bring humor back to the situation, to allay seriousness, and create a comfortable mood. Whenever a situation contains an incongruity between whats going on in our heads and what’s happening in reality, tension is created. 2 things can happen at that point:

  1. You can shatter the tension by attempting to correct the lack of congruity or
  2. you can pull on the tension, stretching it, using it to heighten emotions, and create excitement. Read more
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