Permanent Happiness

When I was very little, my mom would bring me off at some pre-kindergarden school. While the other kids were playing, or socializing, or whatever it is that little kids do, I would grab the bars and scream “Let me out!” Although I most certainly don’t remember this, I can imagine myself pulling at the plastic bars of the waist high gate, demanding escape from an intolerable prison. This is the perfect metaphor for my life, and it amuses me that through all these years my mentality hasn’t changed.

And the question remains the same: Why couldn’t I accept my circumstance and make the most of the situation? I think that even then, I had a sense of higher purpose. That my life was not meant to be spent behind bars, and that anytime not spent actively pursuing this goal was time wasted. It seems silly to project these thoughts into the mind a child who can barely walk, but I suspect that feeling is the same I feel today.

This feeling calls me to sacrifice happiness for purpose. For something to give life meaning. A passion that I must devote my life to. And until I find whatever it is I seek, nothing else has any importance. Furthermore, I have the idea that once I’ve discovered this thing, everything will have been worth it, and my entire life leading up to that point will make sense.

This sounds pretty fantastic, but as I was pondering this, I had to ask myself:
Why is this so important to me? Read more

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Between Extremes

Sometimes when I don’t know what to write, I start off typing these 3 little words:
“Drugs, Sex, Violence”
I don’t know what that means.  I’m not sure if there’s a significance to the order, but that’s how it comes out.

Probably it’s an unconscious homage to Hunter Thompson, a man who made his life a testament to craziness and spontaneous behavior. And I don’t entirely understand why he’s a role model. I appreciate his priorities, but there seems something vaguely desperate in his fantastic lifestyle.  As if he felt that life on it’s own wasn’t really all that great, and required fantasy and fiction to make it interesting; at least tolerable.

And in the same way, I feel like there is something false behind these 3 words.  Something idealized.  Fantasized.  Hollow.  Can one bet their existence upon hallucination, hedonism, and death?  Or is this missing the point?

Maybe the whole thing is more subtle.  Like the really good stuff is in the space is somewhere between those extremes.

This is too bad.  ”Drugs, sex, violence” is easier to write.

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Hating on Story Gurus

tropa-de-elite

I just watched Tropa De Elite and was deconstructing from a story perspective, trying to really get at the process for creating such a story.

Okay I’ll assume you haven’t seen Tropa De Elite, so I’ll just say it’s the kind of story with several different character’s whose paths intertwine, morphing the characters and arriving at a shocking conclusion.  It’s a great story to deconstruct, because it has such a powerful structure.  Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s time to do my favorite thing in the world.  Hate on the story-gurus. Read more

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The Opposite of Buddhism

Watch this video about life in the digital age:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/digitalnation/view/

Okay here’s my thoughts:

On Drone Attacks

I had never thought about the people who pilot the drones in Pakistan.  That is seriously fucked up.  And while it’s great that we’re developing technologies that prevent our people from getting killed, I can’t see the end result as anything good.  In conventional warfare these would be great tools, but we’re using them for, going into neighborhoods half a world a way, spying on and killing the residents, it’s going to accomplish the opposite effect we’re looking for.  Great, we can precisely target a single terrorist and take them out without endangering a single American.  But we are endangering all the civilians in those areas, and all at the push of a button.  By some guy in a cubical in Las Vegas.  I imagine how I’d feel if that happened here.  If another nation decided to enforce it’s law in my country, and they didn’t even have to send people to do it.  There’s not even anyone to complain to, or to look in the eye, to plead with, to fight.  Where does all that helplessness get directed?  Do you just go about your day?  Or do you feel outrage, frustration, and anger?  Isn’t this exactly the opposite reaction we want? Read more

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On Dramatic Need

Our brains tell us to look at things that move with intention. Consider a magic trick. The magician gives the impression of great intention with one hand, while lulling the audience into believing the other hand is unimportant, with no hidden motive. When the trick is complete, the hidden motive of the unnoticed hand gives the act a magical quality.

Stories work the same way. While it is important to have characters with dramatic need whom give the story focus and interest, do not shy from creating characters whose inclinations which aren’t as strong. These are the characters who can provide unexpected turns in a story which otherwise might be too obvious.

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escape

This video was shot Jan 5th… It was freezing.  There were points where I was just gritting my teeth, trying not to shiver.  Maddy seemed to fair better, but that may have been the beer.  In any case, despite being rushed -not wanting to die of frostbite and all- we got the shots we needed.  The edit was trickier and more time consuming than the last video, but I’m extremely pleased without how it came out.

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If Avatar used Non-Violence

So there’s this organized, technologically superior culture, and they land on your planet and want your resources. They have a highly trained military and are heavily funded. But you have one thing they don’t: Heart.

“THEY’LL NEVER TAKE… OUR FREEDOM!!!”

What follows is a brutal battle that destroys your homeland, results in countless casualties but you manage to eek out a victory that causes the enemy to retreat. Horray! Victory is ours! Roll credits.

Oh my god, shut the fuck up. It’s modern conventional warfare.  There is no way you can win against a superior force in this way. Let’s assume that the battle that unfolded in Avatar is realistic (it’s not. If it was they’d have the capability of dropping a bomb from higher than 50 feet off the ground, and it would be a real bomb not a bunch of UPS packages but whatever), what’s the logical next step that would occur here? You caused this army to retreat, using a surprise attack and a lot of luck. And where have they retreated to? Their homes, which you have absolutely no ability to threaten. So what happens next? Read more

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13 things I learned this year

1) Trying and wishing are two different things

Is your life set up around the things you want?
If not then you’re not trying, just wishing.

2) You don’t get to tell yourself what you want

You get to listen.
Sure you could ignore it, but what else is there?

3) None of these are goals: independence, strength, confidence, money, time

The best sounding goals are actually a means to an ends.

4) You know what you’re going to do months in advance you just don’t know it yet

Get better at recognizing what’s next. Read more

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New Song: Sign

New song, old moniker.

Download Mp3

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Of Ghosts

I met Andy at a bar to talk. I had never met him before, he was just a friend of a friend; later I’d find out he wasn’t even that. He was a squirrely guy, about 32 and nervous, jumpy. The kind of person who makes you uncomfortable because you feel like at any moment they could latch on to your arm and never let go.

We met up because he was new to Philly, looking for a job in video production. At that time I wasn’t in much of a position to help him- I had as tentative a grasp on my own survival as you can have before slipping away and spiraling off the earth, but really he needed someone to
talk to.

As it turned out he had lived here before, years ago. He had gone to California in search of a new life.  Traveling, exploring, learning the world. The lines on his face and his hunched, timid demeanor gave me an idea of the lessons he had learned. Read more

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