Sometimes when I don’t know what to write, I start off typing these 3 little words:
“Drugs, Sex, Violence”
I don’t know what that means.  I’m not sure if there’s a significance to the order, but that’s how it comes out.

Probably it’s an unconscious homage to Hunter Thompson, a man who made his life a testament to craziness and spontaneous behavior. And I don’t entirely understand why he’s a role model. I appreciate his priorities, but there seems something vaguely desperate in his fantastic lifestyle.  As if he felt that life on it’s own wasn’t really all that great, and required fantasy and fiction to make it interesting; at least tolerable.

And in the same way, I feel like there is something false behind these 3 words.  Something idealized.  Fantasized.  Hollow.  Can one bet their existence upon hallucination, hedonism, and death?  Or is this missing the point?

Watch this video about life in the digital age:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/digitalnation/view/

Okay here’s my thoughts:

On Drone Attacks

I had never thought about the people who pilot the drones in Pakistan.  That is seriously fucked up.  And while it’s great that we’re developing technologies that prevent our people from getting killed, I can’t see the end result as anything good.  In conventional warfare these would be great tools, but we’re using them for, going into neighborhoods half a world a way, spying on and killing the residents, it’s going to accomplish the opposite effect we’re looking for.  Great, we can precisely target a single terrorist and take them out without endangering a single American.  But we are endangering all the civilians in those areas, and all at the push of a button.  By some guy in a cubical in Las Vegas.  I imagine how I’d feel if that happened here.  If another nation decided to enforce it’s law in my country, and they didn’t even have to send people to do it.  There’s not even anyone to complain to, or to look in the eye, to plead with, to fight.  Where does all that helplessness get directed?  Do you just go about your day?  Or do you feel outrage, frustration, and anger?  Isn’t this exactly the opposite reaction we want? Read more

This video was shot Jan 5th… It was freezing.  There were points where I was just gritting my teeth, trying not to shiver.  Maddy seemed to fair better, but that may have been the beer.  In any case, despite being rushed -not wanting to die of frostbite and all- we got the shots we needed.  The edit was trickier and more time consuming than the last video, but I’m extremely pleased without how it came out.

1) Trying and wishing are two different things

Is your life set up around the things you want?
If not then you’re not trying, just wishing.

2) You don’t get to tell yourself what you want

You get to listen.
Sure you could ignore it, but what else is there?

3) None of these are goals: independence, strength, confidence, money, time

The best sounding goals are actually a means to an ends.

4) You know what you’re going to do months in advance you just don’t know it yet

Get better at recognizing what’s next. Read more

I met Andy at a bar to talk. I had never met him before, he was just a friend of a friend; later I’d find out he wasn’t even that. He was a squirrely guy, about 32 and nervous, jumpy. The kind of person who makes you uncomfortable because you feel like at any moment they could latch on to your arm and never let go.

We met up because he was new to Philly, looking for a job in video production. At that time I wasn’t in much of a position to help him- I had as tentative a grasp on my own survival as you can have before slipping away and spiraling off the earth, but really he needed someone to
talk to.

As it turned out he had lived here before, years ago. He had gone to California in search of a new life.  Traveling, exploring, learning the world. The lines on his face and his hunched, timid demeanor gave me an idea of the lessons he had learned. Read more